Consistency & stability

Predictability is key for planning. Every time we go to get a glass of water we make a prediction that drinking water will come out of the tap when we turn the handle. If we're unable to predict things life becomes uncertain - and if too many things become unpredictable then uncertainty turns into panic, chaos and confusion. No learning will happen during chaos and confusion.

Much like during a stock market meltdown when nobody knows what will happen to their investments. So if we create an environment where common situations are predictable we gain a sense of stability.

Children need to be able to predict their parents' reaction to...everything, good or bad. They should know with good accuracy what to expect when they get a bad mark from school or if they break a dish or if they win first place at the soccer tournament, etc.

Try to play tag when the safe house moves around - you will have to spend a great deal of effort to keep track of where the safe house is. If the safe house never moves you can run around freely knowing it'll always be there when you need it.

Predictabilty also applies to events, not just reactions. An event that is recurring is predictable. Recurring events are also called traditions. So if we establish and follow a bunch of family traditions we create recurring events that are predictable. For example on New Year's eve we eat lentils, on Children's Day mom makes fruit cake, we spend Boxing Day at the grandparents, every Sunday afternoon we go to the park, etc. Every day we eat dinner together. These recurring events that may happen every day or only once a year give children a sense of security and stability and a sense of belonging / identity. It allows them to plan and to look forward to things. (Apparently kids where families eat meals together will have better grades, better jobs, less depression and happies lives in general - a simple thing with so many benefits.) So try to keep things as consistent as possible because it is very frustrating and confusing when life is random.

Some Christmas tradition ideas

As an example to illustrate how traditions can mean a sense of predictability and consistency and comfort.

• Decorate indoors and outdoors
• Tree
• Music
• Sing
• Soup
• Dinner
• Cake
• Take days off
• Invite people over
• Hot chocolate
• Gifts (25th or 24th?)
• Buy adults something too
• Bells
• Tablecloth
• Board games